Tuesday, November 11, 2003

More on my midlife crisis

As the sun sets again, another day fades away. The clock ticks with ever increasing speed as I grow older; gaining momentum with each passing second. It's hard to be carefree when you feel the pressure of goals not achieved, and the finish line seems to approach you with the force of a freight train.
I gaze upon my daily accomplishments at night sometimes, trying to find worthwhile achievements in my monotonous lifestyle. It's important to award yourself points just for doing the things that a working society requires, such as keeping a job, obeying the laws, investing in the economy, paying your taxes, etc. Mundane though they be these are not effortless tasks, and they form the backbone of our way of life. It's for the good of all that a majority of the population perform in this fashion. But I feel lazy and repressed, inhibited by petty fears of losing my comfort zone. Otherwise I would venture further into the world and try to live up to my self imposed expectations. Seize the day! Rather than watch another one go by.
There was a time when I dared to dream of bigger and better things for myself. Not material things necessarily. More like intellectual, academic, and artistic achievements. Now I derive a slightly pathetic sense of accomplishment from simply completing an entry in my journal...

No comments: