I need a new wallet. And I want a money clip. Never had one before, but lately I've thought I'd like to.
The thing is, those are never the kind of things you buy for yourself. Are they? Somebody usually gives you those items for your Birthday, or Valentine's Day, Christmas, Father's day, etc. You drop the hints that you need such and such a thing, and poof! It appears. Nicely wrapped and with a red bow on it. I know I'm always listening for (usually very unsubtle) hints as to what my wife and daughter need or want. She wants perfume? A new purse? She's got it! The Lion King? A game called Elefun? No problem! But do I get the same consideration in return? Nooooooooo...
I can pull out what's left of my wallet, to her total disgust, and she'll say: "Mick, you need a new wallet!" And I'll just smile sheepishly and say, "Well, there you go. Father's Day is coming up." She'll smirk knowingly and whisper conspiratorially with my daughter, but when it comes down to it, forget it. It's too easy.
I thought about tying up my loose bills in a rubber band, knowing that would make her cringe. Pull out a tight little roll of bills to pay the check, oh, that would really get to her. But I'm too chicken shit, I'd be too embarrassed myself. Besides, even that wouldn't make a difference.
My wife quite unapologetically decides what kind of gifts I should get. Not the drills, ties, electric razors, or hand tools that I crave but hate to splurge on. No, she comes up with, check this out: A horseshoe set. Not just any horseshoe set mind you, an Eddie Bauer horseshoe set. Bright as the sun on a clear summer day. Has she ever seen me play horseshoes? No. Have I ever expressed any desire, however remote, to play horseshoes? No. THEN WHY GET ME HORSESHOES???? Well, it seems that she thinks I should play horseshoes. Go figure.
So, I guess I'm going to stop at the mall and buy myself a new wallet and a money clip.