Tuesday, November 16, 2004

New and improved Mick

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna knock off twenty pounds, buy a treadmill, eat better, feel better, and find myself a new woman! Hell, I've given myself for so long to the same person that I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it. But they're there, they're out there...I'm sure if I open up my eyes a little and stare through the mist, I can find somebody pleasant enough. There's no reason why I should waste away in loneliness because my marriage went down the drain. Is there? I mean, obviously it's not that simple, I have my daughter to think of. But shouldn't I have more? Don't I deserve more?

It comes down to confidence in the end. After a failed relationship, I can't help but feel undeserving of love and affection. Not entirely, no, I don't think I'm that awful. But I do have the nagging sensation that no matter what happens, if I get into another relationship, I'm going to fail again. Maybe it's because for so many years I thought my wife was my soulmate. She was the one, the woman I would grow old with. We envisioned playing together with our grandchildren some day. Your self-esteem has a way of falling apart when your dreams come crashing down.

But I can do it. I can break through the barriers that surround me and make it to another day. I've been down before. I've had my head knocked off but I'm still on my fucking feet. You.can't.knock.me.out. I refuse to go down!!!

It's the new Mick, I tell 'ya! Get outta my way people, I'm coming out!!! So you better get this party started!!!!!!!!!

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